RELATIONSHIPS/DATING/FAMILY/FRIENDSHIPS

She Can Be Your Valentine…Black Girl Nation

Valentine’s day is not always about love for a man. I think we often forget that it can be about love for anyone that’s special to us. So this Valentine’s day why not show some love to the girl in your life? Your best friend!

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You know the one you can tell all your secrets to. The one that has seen you walk around at home without your hair combed, and wearing tore up pajamas. The one whose shoulder you have cried on a million times. The one you have laughed with. The one who has seen you at your worst, and still didn’t judge you. Yes that one! Show her some love by making her a best friend care package. All you need is a cute box or gift bag and fill with some items that  she will enjoy. Here are a few ideas:

  • Potpourri
  • Lotions
  • Popcorn
  • Chocolate
  • Nail polish, lip gloss, or her favorite beauty item
  • The latest issue of a magazine she loves to read or a cute book you think she will enjoy reading
  • A gift card to her favorite restaurant or a spa
  • A coffee mug with a pack of hot cocoa or coffee  hot-chocolate-1402045_1280.jpg
  • A pair of earrings
  • A picture of the two of you
  • A pair of cute and cozy socks

A good friend is hard to find so cherish and appreciate her for being there for you when you need her most.

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So…..He’s Married! Now What ? Black Girl Nation

There are plenty of women out there who have unknowingly been in a relationship with a married man. Don’t feel bad. It happens to the best of us. It’s easy to get mad at yourself and ask how could you have been so stupid or how could you have not known? The reality is a lot times married men who cheat on their wives are manipulative a**holes. There are some married men who literally live a whole different life that their wife knows nothing about. I’ve heard stories about men having a secret apartment, going by a different name, and all kinds of crazy stuff! Don’t blame yourself for his schemes.

6a9574_10df0684a7c64b429de97eb9d77f2bcb (3)After the initial shock, you can pull yourself back together and prepare to move on. One of the keys to getting over the heart break and utter betrayal is to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Yes you dated a married man and didn’t know, but guess what, you’re the lucky one. You don’ t have a ring on your finger from a lying cheating man. You’re the one that’s in the clear. You can cut him off and move on with your life and find a man who actually knows what it means to be faithful.

Meanwhile the wife is the one that has to deal with a husband who clearly doesn’t respect their marriage or himself. Just imagine how hard it is for her. Especially if they have children together. She has to figure out whether or not to divorce him. Leave or stay because of the kids. She’s in a much tougher spot than you are and it is so unfortunate that he put her in that situation. You should be thankful that you can make a clean split and never speak to his lying cheating behind again.

Another important tip to helping you move on is to not look to him to give you closure. Come on he’s the one that betrayed you so why look to him for any peace. It’s probably not going to happen. It would be nice if he would admit everything, but most of the time lying cheating men continue to do more lying and cheating. Look to yourself for the closure that you need. Keep a journal. Write down the things you learned about the situation so next time you will be aware of all the signs. Just chalk it up as a lesson learned and remember every great woman has a few heartbreak stories. They help to make us smarter and wiser!

Five Qualities of a Keeper…Black Girl Nation

Dating is certainly not an easy thing to do. Especially in today’s society where having morals seems to be a thing of the past. Yes there are plenty of fish in the sea, but it’s tough to find one worth keeping. Luckily for us single girls there are a few qualities that can help us distinguish which fish to reel in and which ones to throw right back in the sea.

He’s a God Fearing Man

  • If you’re a God fearing woman what sense does it make to be with a man who is not? It doesn’t! If a  man isn’t led by God then he certainly can’t lead you anywhere. If God is the head of your life you should want a man that does the same. I don’t just mean he believes in God. He has a relationship with him, and makes an effort to try to be a man of God. He will pray for you and he will also pray with you.

He treats the women in his life with respect

  • You can learn a lot just by watching the way a man treats the women in his life. If he treats his momma, his aunts, sisters, and the women in his life like queens that is a good sign.  A man that knows how to respect the women in his life is more likely to treat the woman that he’s dating right.

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He’s a good communicator

  • Most men absolutely freaking suck at communicating!! A lot of times they don’t want to share how they feel and leave you in the dark. However a man that is a great  communicator is totally different. He is open and honest with you. He makes it a priority to keep the airwaves of communication clear and concise. Not only will he be open with you but you will feel comfortable being open and honest with him.

He makes the effort to spend time with you

  • I don’t care what anyone says, a man makes time for what’s important to him. No matter how tired he is, or how hectic his schedule is he is going to find the time to spend with you. If you mean something to him he is going to find a way to make it work.

He brings out the best in you

  • A man that brings out the best in you is going to do just that. He will encourage you to be a better person. He will inspire you to go after your dreams, and make you want to be the best person you can be. He will make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, and in his eyes you are.

Don’t Join Team Hate His Guts…Black Girl Nation

Every woman has been in a situation where her best friend keeps running back to the same no good guy! Have you been there before…..I see several hands being raised! It’s natural for our friends to come to us when they are having problems, especially relationship issues. As a friend it is natural for us to be on our friends side, and to support her but in reality it can be draining!

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She comes to you a million times telling you how much she deserves better and she’s done with him. Then days later she’s back in his arms texting you telling you how much she loves him. Go figure! As a friend you have to be around her and her man who you know that she does not need to be with. Then when they fight she wants you back on team Hate His Guts.

So you join team Hate His Guts and now you’re an enemy to him. You are the best friend that he knows is telling his woman to leave him. So when you are around him it just makes things……just a tad bit awkward I would say. Let’s not forget to mention that when they are good again, when you say something negative (true) about him, she will have a fit. Why does she have a fit? Well, that’s because she has moved from team Hate His Guts to team I Love This A**hole. Now you’re on team Hate His Guts all by yourself. Now you’re the bad guy. Go figure again!

The best thing to do when dealing with a friend with a no good man is to just simply be there to support her, but at the same time let her know you are staying out of it. You can support her by listening and being a shoulder to cry on. More than likely she’s just going to keep running back to the guy until she is ready to move on. In the meantime you can be a good support system for her without involving yourself in the emotional tug of war!

 

Love is as Love Does…Black Girl Nation

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We as women can often make simple things too complicated when it comes to relationships. How many times have you asked or one of your girlfriends asked how do I know if he really cares or if he really loves me? It’s a question that we ask but we already know the answer to when we ask it. Love may be an emotion, but it’s really more of an action. Think about some of the things you do for the people you love. When you love someone there are things you that come natural. Things that you don’t even think about because when you love someone they become second nature.

The same can be applied to a man when he’s in a relationship. Love is as love does. When a man loves you it is something that he will display. You won’t have to try to figure it out his actions will answer that question for you. He can tell you all day that he loves you, but if those actions don’t match then he’s just talking.

When a man truly cares and values you he will walk the walk and talk the talk. He will respect, love, adore, and stand in front of anyone or anything that dares to harm or disrespect you. He will be willing to put himself last in order to put his woman first. He will show you how he feels about you the same way you naturally show the people that you love. Stop trying to figure out if he really loves you, when all you have to do is watch. His actions will show you.

Mr. Wrong Don’t Live Here Anymore …Black Girl Nation

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He hurt you. He lied to you. He cheated. He did you wrong and broke your heart. Instead of allowing your heart to heal, you have held on to the hurt that he caused. From relationship to relationship you have carried the pain he has put you through. One bad ex  has had this much power in your life for so long. Maybe that should change. As a matter of fact, it has to change. It’s not even an option.

If you want to find the right one you have to open up your heart to the possibility of learning to love again, and you can’t do that until you put behind you the hurt from your last relationship. Not every man is out there to break your heart and do you wrong. There are plenty of good men out there waiting on good women. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.

In order for Mr. Right to come into your life, you have to let go of Mr. Wrong. You cannot allow what Mr. Wrong did to you five years ago affect your new relationships. You are giving him too much power! He’s not worth it. A queen like you deserves the best, and in order to find the best, you have to be at your best. Being at your best includes letting go of bitterness and hurt form a man who never deserved you in the first place.

The C Word…Black Girl Nation

The C word. The word that is used in every relationship. Yes, that magical word “Compromise.” Yet so many couples have such a hard time doing it. From something small such as what restaurant to eat at or a larger issue such as when to get married, compromise is a tough thing to do.

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When we are in a relationship the reality is it’s not all about us anymore. I know, hard to hear right? When you have your time and energy invested in building a future with your man, sometimes you have to bend. What you want may be great for you, but it may be terrible for your relationship.

It’s the small things that make a difference and you have to show your man that you are willing to go outside of your comfort zone and do things that he likes to do. So what you hate action movies, but he has watched plenty of romantic comedies with you that he didn’t want to watch. A lot of times we can get caught up in me, me, me. But a relationship is about US.

If this is the man you are planning to marry one day, only thinking about what decisions benefit you will only hurt your relationship in the long run. Compromise is about meeting in the middle, and finding what works for the both of you. There is always a middle ground to meet at. A relationship is about give and take. You may be the taker at times, others you may be the giver. If  you have a man that loves and cares for you it’s all worth it in the end, because you know just as you will compromise for him that he will do the same in a heartbeat for you.